Mutuality
by Snowdancer
Summary: Valentine's Day fic written years ago. The celebration of Valentine's Day in Meifu. [mild TsuzukiHisoka]
1. Chapter 1

AN: This was written years ago for no other reason than to relieve stress—pure fluff with a disheartening lack of plot.

Mutuality

_Chapter One_

Holidays are extremely rare, perhaps even a taboo in the land of the dead, also known to some as Meifu. The logic of it is certainly irrefutable, however. After all, the dead will hardly need the rest that the living so desperately crave, therefore making it perfectly reasonable for the parsimonious superiors of Juohcho to take advantage of their miserable employees. The workings of Juohcho's administration are actually amazingly simple—the people above give the orders, the ones at the bottom hop as they are told, and the ones who say 'frog' laze around all day.

At least, that's what _I _think. After a century of working my back off for those stingy pokers, one would only expect to earn some gratitude, yes? But no, instead, I somehow end up in something close, or perhaps no different, to slavery for the next three hundred years. Try and imagine working for free for something that's close to an eternity; it would drive the most cold-blooded person to insanity.

And yet that is exactly what I, Tsuzuki Asato, humble employee of Enmacho's Shokan division, have to endure for what might very well be the rest of my existence.

Let me make you a bet: If you are able to come up with working conditions that are even worse than what I'm currently facing, I'd happily give you everything I own.

All right, what I own probably won't be enough to rent a motel room for three nights, but that's beside the point. It's hardly _my _fault that I'm known as the poorest employee in Meifu. I didn't mean to destroy the library…well, I was forgiven for that, since they said it wasn't exactly me who did it. As for other cases of destruction, I don't really think it was my fault either. I mean, one thing just leads to another, and I always end up doing something that results in collateral damage, and…

Um…oops, where were we? Oh, holidays. As I was saying, holidays are a rarity here, and they're completely unheard of for someone who's buried in debts like me. I _was _supposed to get a twenty-day paid leave for winning the archery contest during New Year, but I lost it because I'm supposed to _work _to repay my debts.

How could I let something like that pass? After all, I endured the torture that Terazuma put me through, I put up with that freak's jibes for six days, I…in short, I more than deserve a holiday.

Tatsumi threatened to fire me if I whined about it. But…but…I really earned it! I begged, and begged, and kept telling him that puffer fish was hardly enough to compensate for a twenty-day paid holiday, and then returned to the begging.

Of course, he had to point out my debts…in detail.

After a week of the above routine, I managed to come up with a suitable argument. I won a twenty-day _paid _leave, which meant that if I didn't take the leave, I should get a twenty-day salary as compensation. In my case, the pay is given by means of deducting it from my debts.

But if I took my leave, there wouldn't be a change from the original plan, right? I continue working as usual, only this time, there won't be the twenty-day salary deduction from my debts.

Tatsumi, naturally, said no. When I asked him the reason, he merely told me to do as he said or get out.

But…I resorted to begging again. He told me to quit the job if I was unsatisfied with his policies, but I told him that I didn't want to. I wanted the holiday _and _the job.

He actually gave in, mostly because I was starting to give him migraines.

So, he shuffled through the calendar, did a few calculations, glared at his accounts, and told me…

He told me that he was giving me a day off.

_A _day, twenty-four hours exactly and not one second more. If I even dare to think of returning late for work, he's cutting it out from my pay.

What about my twenty-day leave?

He said it didn't exist as far as he was concerned.

It just wasn't fair. But Tatsumi didn't care about being fair; in fact, it was probably on the top of his list of things that _aren't _meant to be.

Well…a day it is, then.

But if I get a holiday…

…Hisoka should get one too.

A vein on Tatsumi's forehead began to throb at the suggestion. Was it just my imagination, or did that shadow at that corner over there vibrate a little?

Just to be safe, I started inching towards the door. Shadows were never meant for good company, and Tatsumi's shadows take the concept of 'unsociable' to very new heights.

He managed to keep his tone calm, though. "Why exactly does Kurosaki-kun need a holiday?" he asked.

"He won the archery contest too, remember?" I reminded him, "He earned it."

_And also because I want to spend the holiday with him. _I didn't tell Tatsumi that, however. I doubted that he would appreciate that extra piece of information.

I don't know why, but I just feel comfortable with Hisoka. He doesn't talk much, he glares at me, he calls me an idiot, he lashes out at me for no reason at all, he acts as if he hates me…

But I just like to be with him.

"He didn't want the holiday," Tatsumi told me dryly.

"He might change his mind," I said defensively.

Tatsumi gave me a long, steady look.

"I'm sure he will." Of course he will. I'll make sure that he does change his mind. It isn't healthy for a sixteen-year-old to stay forever cooped up in an office cubicle, Hisoka needs to go out once in a while for something besides missions.

Tatsumi gave up. "Fine, he'll get the day off if he wants it." He gave me a calendar. "Here."

I swallowed reflexively. Tatsumi had almost torn the calendar in half with the force he put into circling the date. There were also figures showing the loss he would suffer by giving me and maybe Hisoka too a leave beside the date. Those were written in bright, glaring red. Really, Tatsumi was inhuman when it came to money matters.

Something clicked.

"Tatsumi, it's Valentine's Day."

"So?" he asked. "It's the closest date I can give you." He paused. "And I don't have to deal with you devouring all the chocolates and sweets sent over to the department on Valentine's Day. Finally, those sweets can be of better use."

His eyes glinted maniacally. "They'll certainly fetch a reasonable price."

My eyes widened in horror at his suggestion. He was actually considering _selling_ sweets!

"Tatsumi…" I had to stop him from doing that. Sweets were meant to be eaten and _nothing _else. It was an abomination! Those sweets were gifts from all those kind people out there, and Tatsumi was not only unappreciative of them, he actually wanted to _sell_ them!

"Do you want your holiday or not?"

My words froze in midair.

"Well?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yesss…" Bowing my head in defeat, I started to leave his office.

"And Tsuzuki-san…"

Tatsumi smiled sweetly, sweet as in 'Tatsumi Seiichirou's up to something villainous that involves money, with him on the winning side'. I _really_ did not like the look he gave me. It spelled 'Danger' all over it.

"Your leave is an _unpaid _leave."

That left me speechless.

I _knew _it. Tatsumi's _mean_. He's evil, despicable, low-down, underhanded…I could probably list his faults till I die for a second time.

Did I take the holiday?

Of course I did.

You would say that I'm a man with no self-respect at all.

Well, I've never claimed to have any.

I hope Hisoka will like this. He's never really had a holiday on Chijou before.

Somehow, I feel that Hisoka, really, really needs a holiday.

Hisoka has never been truly happy before. A holiday might be good for him.

And if Hisoka's happy, I'm happy too.

"Hisokaaaa! Please!"

Hisoka glared at me for what seemed the umpteenth time in the last fifteen minutes. "Why should I take an _unpaid _leave? Idiot!"

"Because it'll be fuuuun!" I protested.

Hisoka didn't even look up from his book. I stared in him in dejection. Does he do _nothing_ else for the whole day?

"Hi-so-kaaa…."

"No!"

I tried to come up with another excuse. Hisoka's sixteen…what do sixteen-year-olds like?

I'm stumped. Hisoka's tastes didn't seem to run the same way as other teenagers.

"It's Valentine's Day," I said finally.

This time, instead of glaring, Hisoka looked at me as if I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but I'm running out of ideas. And Valentine's Day was supposed to be special, wasn't it? So it would only be _right _if I took him out, since he _never _takes a break.

From the way Hisoka's looking at me, I don't think he really agrees.

He stared at me in disbelief for ages, evidently trying to decide if I was serious or not. I think he believed me in the end, though, since he started blushing for no reason at all.

Yuma and Saya would have found that unbearably cute. I supposed I did too…I couldn't help smiling.

Hisoka suddenly noticed that I was looking at him, and the icy exterior returned within a blink of an eye. Grabbing his book, he relapsed into his former state.

He's ignoring me again! How could he? After all I've been through, after all the terror I had to face from Tatsumi…Hisoka's just as mean! I think…I think that I'm actually going to cry!

Which I did.

Hisoka continued his reading as if I didn't exist. It went on like this for one minute, two, three, four…

Hisoka finally put down his book and proceeded to glare at me.

"Please…Hisoka?"

"Whatever for?" His tone seemed to have lost some of the sharpness and irritation it had earlier.

"Because I want to go with you!"

An uneasy silence followed--uneasy on his part, not on mine. Something flashed past his eyes…was it surprise, shock? To me, it seemed to resemble doubt, uncertainty and perhaps even insecurity.

One day, I'm going to erase all of the darkness from his eyes. I wonder, what would those emerald eyes be like if the pain and fear from his past were no longer there?

Would they sparkle in the sun? Or would they shine with joy and warmth?

I think Hisoka's eyes will never be either. I think…I think if Hisoka could smile, his eyes would be clear, serene. There wouldn't be obvious joy, nor would there be heartwarming happiness. There would just be the silent, unobtrusive persona that has always been Hisoka.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to know the truth of my thoughts, but I will always wait for that day.

Like what many people have said, being obnoxious and meddlesome have always been my specialties. I'm sure that he'll open up eventually, as long as I try hard enough.

So, for Hisoka, like with all others, I'll try to make him happy. Or maybe Hisoka was different. Do I pity him?

No…what I feel for him isn't pity. Hisoka would never want pity. Maybe it's because I can identify with what he's been through--being abhorred, isolated, condemned…so I do not pity him.

I just want to comfort him. Some might say there's only a thin line between comfort and pity, some say that there's no difference at all.

I think that there are worlds between comfort and pity. Pity is a one-sided feeling while comfort has everything to do with sharing.

I want to share.

"Why?" he asked finally. I could see him sneaking cautious glances at me, wary of my answer.

I smiled and shrugged. "Need there be a reason?"

He frowned at that, obviously unsure of what I meant.

His answer a few minutes later was gruff and curt. "You're going to have to do half of _my_ work load." Again those careful, hesitant glances, as if he were afraid of how I would respond.

I laughed. Hisoka's agreed to go with me! "Sankyuu, Hisoka!"

Before he could answer to that, I ran and over and gave him a tight hug. "Waaah! Hisoka, I knew you loved me!"

This wasn't the first time I felt how light Hisoka really was. With hardly enough effort on my part, I lifted him and swung him in a crazy half-twirl.

"Baka! Put me down!"

"Aww…Soka-chan, don't you love me?"

"The only thing I want to do right now is to murder you! Put me down!"

I finally let go of him, letting his feet land softly onto the ground. He immediately pushed me away while glaring daggers at me.

"And what did you call me just now?"

Oops. That was a minor slip of the tongue during my excitement. After a look at Hisoka's face, however…

That was a _major_ slip of the tongue.

"How many times must I tell you…don't treat me like a kid!"

I tried to put on my most innocent look. "I didn't; I really didn't!" I don't think it worked very well, though.

"Shut up, moron!"

I looked at Hisoka, whose eyes were still blazing with green flames. I know it was probably the worst thing to do at that time, but he looked _sooo _cute with indignity written all over his face that I couldn't help laughing.

At the sound of my laughter, he was so shocked that he momentarily forgot about his anger, merely standing there while blinking at me in confusion.

I found that even more adorable.

How could I resist hugging him when he looked like that?

Ignoring his protests and indignant yells, I drew him in for another tight hug.

Need there be a reason for me to do anything with him?

There never need be a reason to share something with the people you care for.

I want to share what I have with Hisoka. Because with him, even if it's only temporary, even if it might not last, I feel at peace. At peace with the world and myself.

And I want him to experience that feeling too.

Because Hisoka deserves everything that is wonderful.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two_

I woke up at seven, as usual. Somehow, I felt rather weird, as if today was different from other days, for some reason. A few minutes to clear my sleep-ridden mind told me the answer.

My holiday is today. Well, _our _holiday.

All the more reason to get out of bed. Hisoka doesn't like people who are unpunctual. I find that rather unfair. _He _was late for our meeting last time. But then again, being late for the sole purpose of getting revenge isn't worth risking Hisoka's wrath. He can make a person's life miserable if he puts his mind to it.

So, at eight, I found myself walking to Hisoka's house. It took me a few knocks to get him to open the door, and he still looked rather groggy, albeit already prepared to leave. Hisoka has never been a morning person.

"Good morning!" I greeted him cheerfully. He didn't answer, although he did nod his head in some obscure response. His blonde bangs were even more tousled than usual, and they kept falling over his eyes the way they always did. A few specks of blurry green peeked out from under the wheat-coloured strands, and his eyelids threatened to fall shut any minute. My hands itched to brush away those stubborn bangs for him. Don't ask me why I want to; I don't know either.

I waited outside while he grabbed his coat. I couldn't help being curious. I've never been into Hisoka's apartment before. What do teenage boys keep in their homes? I doubt that Hisoka would appreciate it if I went in without permission, though. Especially now. Did I mention that a sleep-deprived Hisoka is extremely dangerous to be close to?

I need to get him to wake up, or I might end up in serious danger. He flares at the slightest provocation, and only Enmadaioh himself knows how often I manage to get on his nerves without even meaning to.

We walked along in silence, he because he was still half-asleep, I because I didn't dare trouble him at that particular moment.

I rather like this, though. There is simply the peace, quiet…

…and us. Just the two of us and no one else.

I regret not walking him to work before. It just didn't seem practical, as we didn't live in close quarters. I only just now realize what I've missed.

I think I'm going to start walking Hisoka to work from now on, and while I'm at it, back from work as well.

"Don't even think about it, baka," Hisoka muttered crossly. I snapped out from my reveries in an instant. A cautious glance told me that Hisoka was still only half-conscious. It must mean that he's snapping at me on autopilot as well.

"Think about what?" I asked innocently. I couldn't help feeling a strange stab of disappointment, though. I rather wanted to tell him that I would walk him to and fro from work, it would be nice if he…I was hoping he would say it would be all right, that he wouldn't mind spending those extra minutes in my presence.

Again, don't ask me the reason, because it's another of those questions that I don't have the answer for.

I don't mind being with Hisoka, although I'm sure that most people would disagree. Being with someone who can read your mind like an open book tends to make people more than a little uncomfortable. I just wish that sometimes I'd get the chance to say what I think out loud.

"Then just shut up," Hisoka said irritably.

"But I can't help what I think!" I protested indignantly.

"Then don't think so loudly."

That got me rather confused. How can a person control the volume of their thoughts? Can you actually whisper or scream with your thoughts? I suppose you can, or else there would be no place for overwhelming emotions like panic and dread, nor would feelings such as overjoyed or ecstatic exist.

Hisoka sighed in resignation beside me. I supposed that my thoughts would always be as audible to him.

"On the surface, yes. Your deeper feelings, no," he suddenly said. My surprise must have been evident, for he continued, "I just thought that you might like to know that."

I…it shames me to admit it, but I supposed that I was relieved to hear it, in a way. There are things that I don't want people to know about, the darkness that I don't want others to experience…and I …

I don't want to drag Hisoka down with me.

I suddenly realize that Hisoka had said what he just had to put me at ease, to take away my fears of someone knowing about me, about the real me…

And I thank him for it.

"Thank you." I probably didn't need to say it, but I did anyway.

"Aa," he answered awkwardly, clearly unsure of what to say or do. Mildly curious green eyes looked up at me, and I can find him wondering about me, about the unseen and unspoken facets of my life.

He didn't ask me anything. For now, he let it lie. I'm grateful, and yet I feel lost. I wanted him to ask, to do something, anything that would stop me from feeling so alone…so lost…but I also didn't want him to, for I knew I would only ruin him with the condemnation that formed my soul.

It was only when I once again looked into his eyes, now completely awake and alert, sharp and thoughtful, that I realize that he had already done one thing.

I am no longer alone.

"Hungry, Hisoka?" I asked. He looked startled, probably because of my sudden change of moods.

He shrugged. "I suppose you are, since you're asking me."

I smiled at that. "Let's have breakfast, shall we?"

"Huh."

"Hisoka, what about my question just now?" I still don't know if he would mind me walking with him on the way to work and back home. I know, he told me to not even think about it, but as long as he didn't really say no…

"What question?" He's sounding a little annoyed now.

"About walking together…" Maybe this wasn't the right time for this after all.

"Whatever," he said uninterestedly.

"Come, let's go eat!" I exclaimed cheerfully, taking hold of his arm and pulling him along. He glared at me, naturally.

As always, I didn't mind. With Hisoka, you must always look beyond the surface. Besides, I suppose I have the questionable honour of being the person who's being yelled at the most by him.

And he just said yes.

Just one, careless word—'whatever', but when it comes to Hisoka, it's an undeniable, definite yes.

Did I say I was lonely? Perhaps I was, and maybe I am, even now.

But with Hisoka, I'm never _as _lonely.

Because Hisoka takes some of the emptiness away.

I ran over to where Hisoka sat waiting on a bench in a park. At eight-thirty, it was already filled with parents and their children, and even the first few couples on a leisurely stroll.

"Ouch!" Bumping into something soft and small, I looked down to see a girl of about six, with two dark braids that went with matching pink ribbons and big, dark brown eyes.

Looking into those eyes, I found myself aching at the reminder of Kazusa.

She merely gazed at me with wide-eyed innocence while hugging a fluffy teddy bear in her arms tightly, perhaps almost protectively.

I remember the first time we met, when Kazusa looked up with similar naiveté, smiling and asking, "Who are you?"

I couldn't save her.

And now, when I see the girl that now stood before me…

"Sorry," she said timidly.

I shook my head, trying to free myself from the reminders of the child who had so valiantly given her life for another's.

But everytime I meet the girl's eyes, I see Kazusa within them.

"Are you all right?" she asked cautiously.

"Yes…yes, I'm fine." Again, I found myself looking into her eyes, now filled with concern.

If only I couldn't see the non-existent accusation in them as well…

"I'm glad," she said, smiling brightly at me. I managed to return that smile.

"I have to go, nice to meet you!" Waving a hand at me, she turned and ran down the path, her braids flying out behind her.

I watched her leave, taking the last of Kazusa with her, taking away the traces of the girl I failed to protect.

I continued walking, but this time I could only see the silent accusation, the voices that screamed, "Murderer!"

I'm walking on a path that is drenched with blood…the blood of the people I've killed, the souls I've taken…

Somehow, I found myself standing before Hisoka without even knowing it. Emerald eyes looked into mine and narrowed slightly when I silently took the seat next to him.

I forced a smile and handed him the vanilla ice cream I've bought him. Don't think of Kazusa in front of him. Don't think of anything…

He stared at me for a while before accepting it. "Your idea of breakfast…" he muttered.

I laughed and said, "It's nice! That's all there is to it!" Did he hear my thoughts just now? I don't want him to…I don't him to leave me, leave me for being the person that I am.

"Idiot," he said grumpily.

I was about to answer when a soft voice nervously asked for our attention.

"I…I think I'm lost. I can't find Daddy or Mummy." My breath caught in my throat when I looked down to once again see the young girl I've met minutes ago.

She looked so lost. Gently, I took her hand in mine. "We'll help you find them." I let Kazusa die…I am not helping this child to relieve my guilt; I don't deserve that. I'm helping her for herself.

"We will, won't we, Hisoka?" I asked cheerfully. Hisoka merely shrugged in response.

The little girl smiled in relief. I like it. It's always nice to know that even I can make people smile occasionally. "Thank you, uncle."

Now _that_ was insulting. "_Uncle_?" I asked incredulously.

I don't know why, but I stole a glance in Hisoka's direction. His face was perfectly smooth, betraying nothing of what he felt after hearing me being labeled 'uncle'.

He noticed me looking at him, and he blinked in mock confusion. "Is there anything wrong? It _is_ somewhatfitting, after all."

I gave him a wounded look before getting up. I hardly _look_ that old. The little girl who grasped my hand leapt up with me happily. I smiled at her and was about to offer her my ice cream when Hisoka gave her his.

I think he felt uncomfortable in displaying any kind of compassion publicly, for his eyes hardened suddenly.

"I didn't really want it anyway," he said, but he failed in hiding the truth.

"You didn't have to explain yourself to me," I told him, grinning mischievously.

He stiffened visibly. I wonder why he must choose to hide himself under all those layers of coldness and detachment; didn't he know that the real Hisoka was what everybody wanted to see?

"Who said I was doing that?" he snapped.

"I did." At the look in his eyes, I drew myself up defensively. "Well, you _were_."

"Shut up, uncle."

"Hisoka…you're so mean."

This time, his eyes held the slight gleam of victory. "Like you, I'm only speaking the truth." Barely were the words out of his mouth when he realized his slip. A faint blush began to creep up his cheeks.

I smiled, but I didn't say anything.

We were walking for some time when the peace was suddenly broken by the little girl beside me jumping up and down in delight.

"Mummy!" she squealed, breaking free from my grasp and rushing towards a woman in the distance.

We stood there, watching the little girl fly into her mother's embrace, no doubt being showered with anxious questions of concern and reprimands for getting herself lost. The child seemed oblivious to her mother's obvious worry, laughing happily and from the looks of it, enthusiastically relating the small episode of her adventure.

It wasn't long before they started making their way towards us. Up close, I could see the girl's mother's features clearly. The little girl had certainly inherited her mother's warm eyes. Those were the kind of eyes that weren't particularly beautiful, but always managed to make an impression on first sight, the kind of eyes that displayed all the emotions their owners were experiencing, the kind of eyes that were _alive_.

Somehow, they reminded me of Hisoka. I wonder why, his eyes were always cool, sometimes even cold, and Hisoka _never _displayed his feelings if he could help it.

But sometimes…when he did, his eyes were alive as well. I turned to look at him, and I saw that his eyes weren't cold or impassive as he watched the little and her mother. In fact, they were almost…

I was distracted from my thoughts by the girl's mother. "Thank you for helping Ameko," she said gratefully, "I can't tell you how worried we were when we turned around to find her gone."

I smiled. "You're welcome." Ameko laughed and ran over to give me a hug before running back to her mother.

Her mother looked vaguely embarrassed. "You see, her father and I hardly have the time to take her out, what with our working schedules and all…" Clutching Ameko's hand, she continued, "It's just that today's Valentine's Day, and we decided that we should show her this place, since it's so special…"

She coughed awkwardly. "I suppose I must be boring you with all this talk."

I shook my head in denial. "Of course not. Is this the place where you first met?"

She looked surprised at that question. Shaking her head slightly, she looked down at her daughter, and in her eyes, I can see the glow of care and love that only a family can ever have.

Ameko's mother's voice was almost wistful. "No, this wasn't where we first met…" Suddenly, she waved at somebody, and soon a man came into view.

"This is my husband," she said, and from her voice, I could hear a quiet, yet strong pride for the man that now held her hand.

Smiling at him, she laughed in fond reminiscence. "This isn't the place where we first met. It's much more important than that."

I think I will always remember her words after that.

"This is the place where we first _knew _each other."

Almost softly, she said, "The importance does not lie in meeting a person, but in _knowing _him or her…"

"…after all, I would never have fallen in love with him by just meeting him, but when I knew him…"

Her husband laughed in amusement. "I think you're boring them with your fond memories."

She gave him an irritated look, but even then, she still could not conceal the affection in her eyes. "I think they should know this."

Turning back to me, she suddenly asked, "Where was the place where you first knew each other?" I blinked in confusion, wondering why she would ask me such a question. And suddenly, by the look in her eyes, I knew that she thought that we were…

"No…no, we aren't like that!" I don't know if I'm blushing; I certainly hope not. Hisoka's cheeks were tinged with a bright pink, and he looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment.

Ameko's mother actually looked surprised. "You aren't? I thought…" She was interrupted by a firm tug from her husband.

"We really should be going now." Giving us an apologetic look, he said, "Thank you for helping our daughter." Ameko gave me another one of her hugs; she really was an affectionate girl.

Hisoka's eyes widened in shock when she suddenly flung her arms around him, even going so far as to burying her face in his chest. "Thank you!" She looked up at him thoughtfully, then surprised us all by pushing her teddy bear into his arms.

"For you," she said simply.

Hisoka stared at her for a long moment before gathering himself and quickly returning the teddy bear to her. "Um…thank you, but…"

She shook her head vehemently. "For you," she repeated firmly. Without even waiting for him to reply, she darted off towards her mother, waving her hands at us as the small family disappeared around the corner.

I turned towards Hisoka, who was still staring at the worn teddy bear in his hands.

"_Where was the place where you first knew each other?"_

I don't know. Maybe it was at Nagasaki, where I learned the reason behind his uncaring exterior; or it might be on the Queen Camellia, where I first knew of his vulnerability. It might be at Hokkaido, where I found out about his uncertainty of himself, or it might be…

I realized that I could never finish listing the places.

Because I was forever learning more about him.

_The place where we first knew each other…_

It is everywhere and nowhere.

I don't know if I could say that I knew him, and I do not know if I could ever let him know about myself; there is just so much that we don't know about each other. If somebody were to ask if we knew each other, I would say we didn't.

Because there are just so many questions of him that I know I wouldn't be able to answer.

Just like now…while looking into his eyes, I already see something that I've never before seen in Hisoka.

He was curiously running his fingers over Ameko's teddy bear, touching the soft fur in the way a child would do when given something new. It was only after a while that I understood the meaning behind his gestures, and with that understanding came a faint wave of anger.

Hisoka had probably never ever received a soft toy from his parents before.

Maybe he had been given presents before his empathic powers were revealed, but it was probably so long ago, and after the years of abuse and isolation, those memories were probably lost, only to be replace by what made him the bitter person that he was today.

Now, in his eyes, I can see wonder, curiosity, and with it…

Acceptance.

_The importance does not lie in meeting a person, but in **knowing** him or her._

What was the purpose of Valentine's Day? Was it for lovers to realize their feelings for each other? For couples to sustain the feelings that made a relationship last?

Perhaps that was the original intent.

But for me, Valentine's Day, at least for today, for this year…it was a day to understand, to learn about the person that was with me.

The one person who stayed with me when all others left. I wonder…why hadn't he left me?

Do we understand each other?

We don't.

He lifted his head, and for a moment, our eyes met.

Valentine's Day was supposedly meant for lovers only, and yet we are celebrating it together.

Lovers?

Hardly.

But we are companions, friends, family…

Partners.

Valentine's Day…for lovers?

I doubt lovers have as long a time ahead of them as Hisoka and I do.

But a day for people to realize their feelings for each other…maybe.

I've already realized long ago that I cared for him, perhaps more than I do for others.

But today…I've realized how much I _feel _for him.

Looking at the boy beside me, I feel…

…I feel that for him, and only for him, my life might not be a curse after all.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three_

I suppose the biggest problem in taking Hisoka out lies in the difficulty of deciding _where _to take him. Like I said, I do not consider myself to understand him very well, and this is only confirmation of that fact.

If I wanted to take him somewhere within the normal context of Valentine's Day, I could only assume that I should take him for a movie or something similar.

But we weren't really celebrating Valentine's Day.

Putting that obvious point aside, I still doubt that it would be a good idea. Hisoka would have fits from his empathy if he were to stay confined in a theatre crowded with romantic couples. It is, needless to say, hardly the ideal way to spend a holiday. I wish I could have taken him, though; Hisoka most likely hadn't had the chance to step into a cinema before. At the very least, it would have been somewhat of a novelty for him. Still, novelty in the form of a bad experience tends to lose its appeal.

"Hisoka, where would you like to go?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know." I wasn't surprised at his answer. Spending most of your time in a dark cell wouldn't make you the most knowledgeable person when it came to entertainment, or for that matter, anything that concerned the outside world.

What does Hisoka like? He likes…

Reading. He reads almost every minute of his free time, going through almost every kind of book in the library, and almost seeming to drink in every word as he goes along. He just seems to be one of those who can really get absorbed in the worlds that were written in words.

Was it his way of searching for a better world for himself? A way to experience what he never had? Maybe he felt it was his only chance to feel what being normal was like.

Perhaps that was the answer I've been looking for all along. I didn't need to take him anywhere. Just by being among other humans, observing how they went on with their lives, seeing the real world…it might actually be what he really wanted, a chance to be _normal_.

"Hisoka? What if we just walked along the streets? Would that be all right with you?"

I watched him nod indifferently. It was rather strange to see Hisoka hold a teddy bear in his arms, it just didn't seem like something that Hisoka would be caught dead…or alive, doing. But it also looked right, as if the teddy bear belonged where it was now, in his arms. A perfect blend, and somehow it reminded me of anything soft, fuzzy, and warm.

Warm…if only I could see warmth in his eyes.

I smiled to myself. It didn't matter. I 'm sure Hisoka will experience what it feels like one day. That feeling of being wrapped up in comfort and contentment, even if it's from something as simple as holding a cup of warm cocoa, touching the soft, yet rough texture of a newly baked loaf of bread—just all the little things that can make you warm up from inside.

Does Hisoka know what it feels like?

"Let's go, Hisoka." I want to let him feel what it's like.

He looked up at me and said, "You never plan anything in advance, do you?"

I laughed. Seeing him with the teddy bear in his arms—maybe he already knows what it feels like.

"Whatever for? We're on holiday." I want to let him experience it more frequently, let him open his eyes to what was truly beautiful.

"Baka."

It just takes time, and he's already taken that first step.

Meeting Ameko—remembering Kazusa, so alike, and yet very different.

I'm glad that I met them, glad to have them step into my life—into Hisoka's life.

I'm glad that _he _came into my life.

We visited every shop that caught our interest, or more importantly, mine, since Hisoka didn't particularly mind where he went; bakeries, florists, and bookshops, because I knew that Hisoka liked them. He lost himself whenever we walked into one, his eyes roaming the shelves of books on display almost hungrily.

I suppose that everybody has to have something that they really like. For me, it's anything sweet, for Hisoka, it has to be words; lines upon lines of words written on paper.

We were passing by a music shop when Hisoka stopped for a while, his head tilting slightly as if he's trying to listen to the soft melody that hummed in our ears. I listened as well, and I feel that the music suited him. Soft, quiet, peaceful, and still managing to be unrestrained—thoughtful yet holding more than a hint of fire and life in it. Like Hisoka.

"You like music?" I asked.

He looked startled, a quick flicker of emotion flashing past his eyes before he shook his head. "No…not really. Just curious."

Just curious…As we walked past, I glanced over my shoulder to see him casting one last look at the shop, his eyes still holding the slight pensiveness they had when he was trying to grasp the harmony he heard.

I've just learned something new about Hisoka.

As it was Valentine's Day, it was impossible for us to avoid the couples that flooded almost every street. Right now, we were sitting in a small café, mainly because I insisted. It produced marvelous apple tarts.

There was a couple opposite us, and they were exchanging gifts. The man had already unwrapped his and was strapping a watch over his wrist while telling the woman across him how much he loved it.

She smiled happily and at his urges, slowly unwrapped the layers of wrapping paper, taking her time as she did so. Finally, she lifted a tiny pendant from the box, gently fingering it, holding it up in the light to see it sparkle as it caught the rays.

She laughed and said thank you and that it was the most beautiful present she'd ever received.

They were so happy together.

"She didn't really like it."

I looked at the boy sitting across me in surprise. Hisoka had his hand on his chin, and he was also looking at the couple, but he seemed disapproving.

"She didn't like it but she lied and told him she did."

He turned to face me. "Why? Why not be honest with each other? If she let him know that it wasn't to her tastes, he could go change it for her or something. Keeping quiet is just…foolish."

I studied the couple. They were laughing happily and speaking of their plans for their future. No one would have known that she didn't really like what he had given her.

"She didn't tell him because it didn't matter to her," I told Hisoka gently.

"But…"

"Tell me, Hisoka? Is she happy now?" She certainly looked happy. The way she held herself, how her eyes glowed when she looked at the man opposite her, the sound of her laughter ringing through the air—those things told me that she was happy.

Hisoka watched her quietly for a moment. "Yes…she's happy."

"Then it's all right."

"But…" Green eyes were narrowed in confusion.

"She knows that he likes the present she gave him, and so she's happy. She's with him, and that makes her happy as well. She knew that he probably spent a lot of his time in choosing that present for her, and even if she doesn't really like it, she's still happy."

I smiled at Hisoka. "Am I right?"

The confusion in his eyes did not fade. "Yes, but I still don't understand…if she had told him the truth, he would know more about her…"

"Aa." True, if she had told him, it would help him understand her better. "She doesn't want him to know that way."

He blinked at me in puzzlement.

"She wants him to understand without her telling him. I supposed he does too. Learning about the other through actions isn't the same as simply having him or her telling you."

I grinned. "I think that it's nicer to have people find out for themselves, don't you think so?"

He stared at me flatly. "Idiot. You know it doesn't make sense."

But it does. I know it does, and by the look in his eyes, I know that he knows too.

He didn't tell me. Like her, he didn't say anything.

But I already knew that he was entranced by the soft melody that was so like him.

So like Hisoka.

Hisoka glared at me as I ran across the street. "What took you so long?"

"Nothing!"

He frowned. "You probably let yourself get distracted by another one of those sweet shops, didn't you? Tatsumi-san said not to overspend…"

"I won't! I promise!" I knew he wouldn't believe me, which he didn't.

"Really?" He eyed the bags that I held, and I admit it, desserts were almost the entirety of their contents.

But Hisoka liked music. And so, in one of those bags, there was music as well.

He gave me one last look and sighed in resignation. "I'm not taking any responsibility when Tatsumi-san explodes. Where to now?"

This time, at least, I knew where I wanted to go. Holidays always felt so short. Already, the sun was setting in the horizon, and night always succeeds sunset.

I knew where I wanted to take Hisoka.

"Follow me?" I asked.

"Where are we going?"

"Can't tell! I want it to be a surprise!"

He looked at me suspiciously. "Don't be an idiot! I am _not _going with you just like that! Unlike certain people, I _do _want to find my way back. "

I feigned my most wounded look. "I really know where I'm going!"

It was getting rather hard to convince him. "No."

"Please…please, Hisoka? Please?"

I think he's getting a headache from this. "Fine! But if you get us lost, I'll kill you!"

"You don't have to worry about that!" I _really_ know where I'm going.

He closed his eyes in some attempt to assure himself. "Just by saying that, you've successfully made me worry."

"You're mean…"

"And you're an idiot. Why don't we get moving now?"

_You're mean…_

_And you're an idiot._

It sounded right…and strangely, nice. Like everything else that concerns Hisoka, it's _right._

I wish that this wouldn't come to an end.

"Where're you taking us? Baka!" Hisoka yelled furiously.

All right…I think I've taken a wrong turn somewhere. But I don't think that finding our way back is going to be very hard, so…

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you to this!" he fumed, "And now we can just spend the next few hours in the dark because of your wonderful sense of direction!"

"I'm soooorrry, it must have been some small mistake somewhere…" He's really close to exploding, if he hasn't already.

"Fine! Small mistake! Where are we supposed to go now?"

I pondered that for while. "Uh…up?"

He stared at me incredulously. "What?"

I wonder what's so wrong with my suggestion. "That was where I wanted to take you…"

I could almost hear him gritting his teeth. "Up…well, I supposed there really isn't much of a difference, since we're lost anyway."

I couldn't find an answer to that. We _were _lost. So all I did was continue walking, with him following behind. I really wanted to reach out and take his hand; it was terribly dark, and he might trip…but I don't think he would appreciate it. No need to make him even more irritated than he already was.

If you haven't guessed already, we've been fumbling around the hillside for about the past hour or so. The thought of getting lost didn't really occur to me. After all, when one climbs a hill, all you have to do is go _up_. How difficult could that be?

It turned out to be a lot more difficult than I thought.

I stopped in my tracks, almost causing him to knock right into me, which in turn led to another barrage of angry mutters.

"What _is _it now?" he snapped.

"I think we're here." I looked out into the vast expanse of darkness, its only illumination being the few pinpoints of light that told me there were other people below.

It was a place where you could see far, far beyond, and that was what I wanted.

He looked around, and gave me a pointed glare when I sat down on the grass.

"What do you want to do around here?" he demanded when I beckoned to him to join me, then pulling him down beside me when he didn't make a move.

"Surprise!" I chanted.

No answer.

"Just wait for while…a little while, please?" I turned puppy-dog eyes towards him. The effect was somewhat lost on him.

I honestly believe he must have been taking private lessons from Tatsumi. How else could he perfect Tatsumi's trademark skill of being _so _heartless?

"Please…"

"Shut up." His patience was wearing rather thin.

"Just for a little, _little_ while."

He took a few, deep calming breaths. "If you don't shut up right now I'm definitely getting up."

"Sankyuu!" I knew he would relent eventually; everybody did, even if it was only to stop me from pestering them.

The shadows that fell across his face gave him a partial cloak of invisibility, and much as I tried, I couldn't see his reaction to my obvious enthusiasm. But all I have to do is close my eyes, and I could see the rolling of his eyes skyward, the diminutive tilt of his eyebrows, the slight frown…and everything else that said that he thought me an idiot.

It didn't matter. It didn't matter if he thought of me as nothing more than a fool, somebody who couldn't grow up even after a century's worth of experience and life. Nothing mattered, because he chose to stay with me.

Maybe he'll leave, like everybody before him had.

But there was one thing I would always remember, even if he left me eventually.

_He had stayed longer than anybody else. _

I smiled to myself. No one else would stay that long, no one except nee-san. She was always with me, is always with me, and will always be with me. Always. I miss her. She used to sit with me whenever I asked her to, used to hold me and say that she loved me more than anyone else.

I've seen her crying for me, and it hurt me to know that I've made the person who loved me the most shed tears for me.

Nee-san will forever have a special place in my heart.

Strangely, the person next to me reminded me of the most important person in my life. Why? They were not alike at all. Hisoka was distanced, reserved; not like nee-san, so open with her love and affection. Nee-san gave all she had freely; Hisoka hid himself in his own world, never giving, never taking.

But this feeling I have when I'm with him…and suddenly I knew, knew without doubt, knew with all my faith and certainty…

I never want to see Hisoka cry for me like nee-san did. Never, _never_ want to make him cry.

The sound of people cheering below shattered the momentary peace, and I let go of nee-san and her smiles. Tugging on Hisoka's sleeve, I exclaimed happily, "Watch, Hisoka! Just watch!"

True to my expectations, he tried to tug his arm out of my grasp, scowling as he did so. "Let go of me! And what am I supposed to watch…?"

His protests faded when what I've wanted to show him finally began.

Rain, rain in all shades and hues, falling from the sky in bursts of colours and patterns, falling to the ground and drenching it with its flame and fire.

Nee-san said that these were the shooting stars that were made by men, made to paint the night sky with their radiance, to show us the way in the dark.

She said that they were the shooting stars that lay in everyone's hearts.

I watched as nee-san's shooting stars lit up the face of the person that shared this night with me.

I was right after all. They _are_ the same, nee-san and Hisoka, they both share one thing in common.

They both had shootings stars in their hearts.

Hisoka watched, transfixed as the sky flashed in all myriads of colors imaginable, his eyes wide with awe. The emerald fire in them burned the colour of the sky, one moment blazing a deep green, the other a crimson gold.

He whispered one word softly and almost disbelievingly.

_Beautiful_.

That was what nee-san had said as well. She said that the shootings stars were always beautiful.

"Hisoka?" I asked tentatively.

He nodded, never once taking his eyes off the night sky.

I gently placed what I've bought him in his lap, not wanting to disturb his short moment of pleasure. He looked down in surprise, and the colours in his eyes softened.

I've bought him music.

I took the musical box from him, and slowly turned the key.

Placing it back in his hands, I let go.

The pages of the book turned, and the music flowed.

Words and music, they were the two things that Hisoka liked.

A book that played music; it was perfect for Hisoka.

"Do you like it?" I asked him.

He turned back to the falling rain. "Like."

That was all. There were no touching words of gratitude, no open display of appreciation, but it already meant the world to me. Just by that one word, he had already given me all the thanks I've ever wanted. The softening of his eyes when he saw it, the acceptance, it was already enough.

The rain stopped falling, and the shootings stars of men were no more, but that was when I saw what I was _really _waiting for.

Clear, serene, peaceful and unobtrusive; exactly the way I pictured it.

Just a small light in his eyes, the faintest signs of a curve at the edges of his mouth, but it was already the most beautiful thing I've ever seen from him.

His eyes didn't shine, nor was there the glow that people usually associated with a smile. No obvious joy, no heartwarming happiness.

But it was Hisoka's smile, and that alone made it beautiful.

The sky no longer rained shooting stars, but Hisoka still had his, and the music I'd given him sang out into the quiet night.

I looked down when I felt a small weight lean against my shoulder.

Hisoka. Fast asleep.

I pulled my coat over him, and gazed up into the sky. The blazing rains that Hisoka called beautiful no longer fell.

But already, the sky was lit by thousands of stars.

And who needs shootings stars anyway when we already have them in our hearts?

fin


End file.
